Somewhere in the Grey
by ukulelefoot
Summary: Janet's got the answer to Rachel's relationship problems. Little one-shot.


'I think I've got it.'

Janet and Rachel were in the toilets – where else? – when Janet suddenly spoke up.

'Got what, Janet?' Rachel replied.

'Why your relationships always fail.'

'Oh, thanks for the vote of confidence!' said Rachel incredulously. 'And anyway, it was never gonna work out, me and Will, was it? I think you knew that.'

'I did, and I'll tell you why,' Janet said.

'Ooh, _do_ tell, cos I'd love to have a relationship that actually works for once,' said Rachel, a little too snappy for Janet's liking, but she brushed it aside.

'Someone got out the wrong side of bed this morning!'

'Sorry, Janet.' Rachel looked genuinely sorry. 'I'm all ears. What's your theory?'

'You're gay.' Janet paused and waited for Rachel to take it in, trying not to giggle at the look of confusion on her friend's face.

'I- Sorry, what?!' Rachel stammered.

'I reckon that the reason you have such awful relationships with men is because you're gay. A _lesbian_.' Janet smirked, emphasising 'lesbian' to deliberately get on Rachel's nerves.

'I am _not_ a lesbian, don't be ridiculous.' Rachel dismissed the notion.

'So you're not in love with Gill, then?' Janet asked, knowing that the answer was yes. She'd known for a while, but she wasn't sure that Rachel had realised it yet.

'Gill?! As in Godzilla, the one who bollocks me for the tiniest thing at every opportunity?'

'She really doesn't, Rach.' Janet defended her old friend. 'And what other Gill do you know?' She watched as Rachel looked at her with an expression that changed slowly from one of disbelief to one of horrified realisation.

'Oh, shit! How did I miss that, Janet? More to the point, how did you spot it?'

'I'm not a detective for nothing, you knob,' said Janet. She continued in a silly posh voice. 'I can spot romance a-brewing from a mile off.'

'Yeah, but I'm a detective too. And so's-' That look of realisation again. 'Oh, double shit, do you think Gill's noticed?'

'Nah,' Janet said sarcastically. 'I think she's missed out on the blushing and craving attention and- Of course she's noticed, Rachel! _She's_ a Detective Chief Inspector.' It was like Rachel forgot who she was working with sometimes. Janet smirked and added teasingly, 'They don't miss _anything_.'

'Shit.'

'You have a wonderful vocabulary, Rach,' Janet joked.

'Oh, bugger off,' replied Rachel with a sharp edge only Janet could have heard.

'I rest my case and will do as you wish. See you back in the office.' Janet made to leave, but Rachel reached for her arm and pulled her back.

'No, Janet, I didn't mean it literally.' She had big round eyes, like a little child's.

'I know, but I do actually have work to do, believe it or not, as do you.' It was impossible to resist the temptation to tease Rachel about work.

'Do you not think that my sudden homosexual realisations are a little more important right this moment?!' This made Janet's expression turn to one of mock-horror.

'More important than murder? What's up?'

'I'm not gay, Janet,' said Rachel quietly, with a thoughtful frown on her face.

'I didn't mean it like that.' Janet realised she had probably chosen the wrong words to inform Rachel of her less than heterosexual state. 'You don't have to be gay to be in love with a woman, Rachel. Sexuality isn't black and white. There are times when I look at a woman and think, yeah, I fancy her, she's hot.'

'Janet Scott!' Rachel was shocked at this revelation and grabbed Janet's shoulder.

'I'd never do anything, though.'

'Course not,' Rachel smirked. She then raised an eyebrow conspiratorially. 'If you'd have been with a woman rather than Andy, it might have taken Ade longer to find out.'

'Oi, it was Andy that told him! Don't go dragging up my past, missus, we're talking about you here.' Janet changed the subject back to Rachel to avoid further embarrassment on her part.

'Sorry, ma'am,' Rachel grinned. She paused and resumed her thoughtful frown. 'So, what should I do?'

'Well, if I were you,' said Janet matter-of-factly, 'I'd tell her.'

'You think that I, Rachel "can't-keep-work-and-personal-lives-separate" Bailey, should tell Gill "I'll-bollock-you-if-you-breathe" Murray, my _boss_, that I'm in love with her?' said Rachel in a rather high-pitched voice. Janet smiled.

'When you put it like that-'

'Exactly,' Rachel interrupted.

'You never know, she might feel the same way,' Janet whispered, tapping her nose and winking.

'Yeah, right,' Rachel scoffed. Janet assumed a tight grin and she had a twinkle in her eye.

'Try it, I dare you.' And with that, she floated out of the toilets and left Rachel very confused.


End file.
